Thursday, July 8, 2010

My Willies... All Ten Of 'em!

Okay, okay, I'm starting to feel the groove now. Seems the secret to my motivation is for those blog folk I enjoy to post their lists that get me going. They're fun, easy go-to's that limit tasking myself with original content… Wins all around! The latest spark comes from André over at The Horror Digest. She's prolific, entertaining and adorable as all get-out. I'd probably hate her were it not for my secret predilection for prolific, entertaining, adorable people. Oh, she's also a cat lover. I'm practically swooning!... Ye know, in that not-at-all weird gay guy crush way.

Sooo... Before it gets creepier in a way not concordant with the theme, on to the matter. She shared her Top Ten Movie Heebee-Jeebees and I had to partake. I was surprised how difficult it was to come up with ten. I've endured tons of jump scares (some legit) and many moments where I've felt uncomfortable or sickened but apparently I've not been as creeped out as much as I had assumed (or perhaps just recall). I'm quite disappointed as I think that is the best feeling one can get from a horror/suspense film. It resonates so much longer than a quick "boo!" and while intense is usually not as deeply penetrating as being disturbed. *glares at those jerks, Wolf Creek and Inside*

Guess I need to reacquaint myself with some movies. Until then, we'll just consider this my first draft. Here are the ten movie moments that filled me with a sense of squirmy unease and dammit, I just don't get enough of that! Oh, and SPOILERS ABOUND! Der.
  
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE – Silver doors are almost never good.

We're first introduced to Leatherface when poor Kurt pops his head in for a looksee. As frightening as he was, there was something about the "SHUNK" of the metal door after bludgeoning Kurt to death that sent a chill up my spine. I'd like to think I'd be the cautious one standing at the front door telling my friends to get out of that decrepit junk heap, but if I saw that door? Lots of running and a little screaming without even seeing what's inside. It was all I could think about while Pam fumbled through the feathers and bones, and with good reason because Leatherface opening it back up to fetch her was even more terrifying. Proof that knowing what is coming can be so much worse than not.

THE SHINING – The Bigwheel of Eeee-vil!

Seriously, nothing good comes from these bike rides. I remembered getting wincey the moment little Danny hopped on, well before meeting up with his new playmates. I wasn't particularly fond of sharing a name with the little freaknik, either. It gave all my friends carte blanche to moan "Redrum" at me. Kids are dumb. Anyhow, Kubrick shot nearly every scene to convey a consistent sense of dread but that little pit in the tummy tightened every time he rode that big wheel and instilled my lifelong love/hate relationship with lengthy hallways.

BLACK CHRISTMAS – It's the moooaannaah!

Only seeing the killer's shadow, hands and eye enhanced this wonderful film's creep factor but it was those cracked out phone calls to the girls of Pi Kappa Sigma that raised my hackles (Not sure what hackles are but I know that if I have 'em, they were raised!). It wasn't so much about what he/she/it/they were saying but how it was being said; Cackling, maniacal and truly sinister. When you paid attention it was even worse. Who was Billy? What did he do to Agnes? Did he just say cunt?!

AUDITION – Where exactly does one acquire a bag o' man?

I am so, so, sooo glad I never caught ads for this film because I would have had this most gloriously chilling moment spoiled. You know things ain't quite right with Asami early on. This delicate flower is a wee bit touched and whoooaa boy are we given confirmation right proper! The extended scene of her unnaturally slumped, sitting by the phone awaiting Shigeharu's call gives the impression this might be all she does. Ever. The creepies set in instantly and intensify as you wonder what could be in that bag when the phone finally rings and WAH! THE BAG FLIPPED OVER! Successful as a willy inducer and legit jump scare.

REC – What is tha--OHMYHOLYHELL!

Another case of knowing that something is coming but that knowledge helps out zippo! You're one of two survivors of an insane virus that has turned everyone else into raving, bloodthirsty maniacs. You're also trapped in an apartment building with them as the military has the place locked down. You've managed to reach the attic apartment with your cameraman when it is fast apparent that this might not be the salvation you so desperately seek. Oh, and you're now in complete darkness. Frantically scrambling through evidence indicating this is where all the horror is stemming from, you hear a noise. It's not from your guy. It's not another survivor. It's something that has clawed free from a Hell dimension and you are officially fucked. Go ahead, poop yourself, no one will ever know. 

28 DAYS LATER – Wait, they run now?!

Sure, they aren't technically zombies but at the time of seeing this, it was touted as a zombie film so imagine my shock and terror when they began to run! Um, they're not supposed to do that. I know now the Infected are their own sub-genre but not necessarily one I welcome as they've cut a good portion of the populations chances of survival by demanding athletic prowess. Them sprinting en masse in shadow only freaked me out more. The gutteral howling, pièce de résistance. I know they're not zombies but couldn't they lumber? I like lumbering. 

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET – Dancing on the ceiling

Horrifying, disturbing and single-handedly ruined my bed time experiences for years to come. I saw this way too young, when death scenes I had seen before it were still heavily shadowed and over quickly. I almost didn't include it because I felt it too intense for willy qualification until looking over at my goosebumps while thinking about it. It hit all the buttons and suddenly everything that followed had me on edge.

MARTYRS – Well, isn't she just darling?

Martyrs was almost booted to the side with Wolf Creek and Inside but I found it too thought-provoking to toss. Not that those films didn't make me think and I uneasily consider myself a big fan of both but the brutal intensity gave me no time to be creeped out. Martyrs, while a big WTF?! itself, allowed the creepy unease to settle in when Anna meets another prisoner locked away for who knows how long. The woman is emaciated, scarred, disfigured and has a metal blindfold bolted to her head with a matching chastity belt I do NOT want to know how is fastened. Disturbing on many levels, it is incredibly creepy not only from her appearance but from having no idea what she may do.

THE SENTINEL – Daaad, company is coming go put on some pants!

I've still only seen about half of this movie. It alternately freaked and bored me. However, the scene where Alison sneaks through her apartment to reveal a silhouette behind the door was creepy in itself but as the form rushess across the screen to reveal itself as an old man in underwear brought on both heebees and jeebees. He stands at the other end of the room, waiting in darkness for her to approach and then does the zombie lurch, revealing his milky white eyes. It's all good but something about the way he quickly skitters from behind the door makes it so much more effective than had he slowly clambered out.

THE FUNHOUSE – She's just not that into you.

This is a film that doesn't hold up for me. It's mind-numbingly slow and has one of the worst Final Girl's in the history of ever. However, when I was a kid this was a scene that seared itself deep into the psyche and still remains effective. When Liz awakens from her fall through the trap door, we find her in a tunnel with a giant exhaust fan at the end. Before she can crawl toward freedom, the Carny Freak appears. Shadowed, he is no less terrifying than when he reveals his monstrous mug. Liz pleading, begging and then trying to trade on her feminine wiles make you pity her, hoping she might be given reprieve and you can't help but wonder if she might have had she not stabbed the monster 'cause he seemed like he was kinda diggin' on her... Ye know, before pulling her head first into the big fan.


7 comments:

Andre said...

Fabulous list! I'm so happy we can agree together that Funhouse is BOOORRRRING. It missed so many opportunities to have creepy circus things come to life....you know without the aid of electricity. Ah well.

These are great, you really crack me up you know that? I'm so glad we've found each other ; ) in a non creepy way.

A Printer Darkly said...

Man, I know I'm looking like a big kiss ass but I love your list! What do I have to gain really? No really, tell me because I'm pretty good at the ass kissing thing. :)

The Sentinel is the only one I haven't seen but I checked out the clip and it totally works. I thought I was the only person freaked by the silver door on TTCM and you and I may be the only ones who hadn't seen the Audition trailer. I lost my shit in that scene. Literally. My wallet went flying and I lost about 4 bucks along with half my Jujubes.

Velvet Revolution said...

I had an even tougher time of it and have stalled out at 7, 5 of which we share.

The Exorcist (split between spider walk and Pazuzuu(sp?) and Saw 2. Bad movie but the scene with Shawnee Smith in the pit of needles makes me crazier and crazier every time I see it. I should probably stop watching it.

Love the list! You are too funny. The header for REC caused a near spit take!

Daniel Danny Dan said...

@Andre: I recall so little of my life before you came into it. Promise you'll never leave me... PROMISE! *twitch* ;)

@Printer: I'll compile a list with some handy tips for you soon. ;)

I've been hard pressed to find others that experienced that scene in Audition like we have. It's a small club but a privileged one nonetheless!

@Velvet: Saw 2? Shazbot! It was a bit of poo overall but yes, the needle pit scene had me clawing at my self the whole time. Nice one!

Me thinks I'm going to need a second installment soon!

Fred [The Wolf] said...

Wow, our NIGHTMARE moment is exactly the same - PLUS it has the same subtitle! I shouldn't be surprised. With that awesome banner you have up there, we might be the same person! lol. Great list. I love each and every one of these.

Here's my list: http://www.fullmoonreviews.net/2010/07/fmrs-top-10-willy-inducing-moments.html

Daniel Danny Dan said...

Well, it is a good thing we didn't cross paths when I was living in NY... The whole universe could've imploded! :)

I'm doubly glad you posted... One, 'cause, well, I like comments and two, I've skipped past your blog twice in the last year or so because I thought it was part of the Full Moon direct to vid movies. Fun as Puppet Master 37 was, I see no need to loiter about their site.

Good to know it's a place actually worth hanging around!

Fred [The Wolf] said...

Yeah, I'm no where close to being Full Moon Entertainment, even though Gingerdead Man has its moments. Please come around my blog every once and a while and comment. I'll do the same for you.