31 Frightful Femmes - Nancy

Wow. That Wendy entry was really freakin' long, huh? Yeah, that can't keep happening. I'm not one of those writers whose words flow effortlessly from the brain and down to the finger tips, creating exquisite prose on the screen. Shit, it took six minutes to get this far and the results are pretty clear. Can you imagine if I just let go, typing with abandon? They've locked away serial killers with less evidence of crazy.

I've got to scale back. Bad enough I disappeared for nearly two years lost all of my posts from the last two years and still decided to take on a daily writing task - don't think I didn't consider deleting that proud proclamation - but I've got things to do and not enough focus to do it. So, today's entry is a bit of a cop out but it's not a complete bail. As if I could do that to Nancy. All the info needed on why she is made up up of equal parts fantabulous, amazible and of course, magniflorious can be found in my earlier entry about why I Would Save Her. Try not to experience feelings, I daaare you!

Also, watch A Nightmare On Elm Street and tell me it isn't completely her movie. Freddy is merely the flashy set piece that spruces up her world ohmigod that was a wretched analogy... Metaphor? See, I'm gonna go.

31 Frightful Femmes - Wendy

Wendy. Weeeendy, Wendy, Wendy. What is there to say about Wendy? A lot! Which is fortunate since I've decided to write about her. As with loads of other film lovers, particularly genre fans, nostalgia plays a significant role in my long term devotion. We justify mountains of mediocrity because something tickled at the back of our brains as wee ones. Well, not the back. I suppose it would be more on the side with the temporal lobe? Though I guess the back makes sense since it starts with processing the visualization in the occipital lobe, so, I was initially correct. Lulz!

Prom Night benefits greatly from that cognitive bias. Logic is not its friend, the kills are pretty tame even by ye olden standards, and Jamie Lee's Kim isn't making any Final Girl Hall of Fame that isn't exclusive to her oeuvre. Sure, the dancing helped, but overall, it's kind of a snoozer. And I love it! Oh, holy hades do I love me some Prom Night. The past coming back to haunt you, a mystery killer, phone terror, soft focus, disco! But mostly, I love Prom Night because of Wendy Richards.

You knew she was trouble the moment she was tagged “It” for their twisted take on hide-and-seek; “All right, and I'll kill you all!” Alpha Bitch status was solidified when after poor Robin's demise, Wendy convinced Kelly, Jude and Nick to keep it secret via threats of obvious imprisonment. No matter that Nick's pops was, like, Chief of Police or anything. Childhood accident or not, dumb deserves death. Flash forward six – or by the looks of them, sixteen – years and Wendy's Queen Bee status is shaky.

She is gorgeous, wealthy and rocks a smokin' side pony whilst zipping around Hamilton High in her orange corvette but despite those riches, it has been a lonely reign and one now coming to an end. Nick the simp is slooowly trying to dump her for Prom Queen Kim and Kelly the virgin (noted by all the white she wears and awkward kisses she gives her beau) and Jude the husky (noted by the whopping five pounds she has on the other girls) have latched on to Kim's coattails. She even has to exert effort to grab Lou's attention. Lou, the 38yr-old unibrowed bohunk.

Oh, but she will not submit the crown willingly. She informs Kim that “It's not who you go with, honey. It's who takes you home.” and devises a (pretty weak ass) plan for Lou to humiliate Nick and Kim at the coronation though makes it clear she doesn't want anyone hurt. What? She has feelings? This is one of the many things that set her apart from the standard slasher Mean Girl with the bulk of the credit going to actress Anne-Marie Martin née Eddie Benton. The reluctance in her venom is all over her face. The embarrassment at not having a date to the prom is made obvious just seconds before her classic retort and the disgust over her affiliation with Lou is not hidden.

Wendy's disdain for Kim and distance from her childhood friends shows me she harbors more guilt than anyone. While the others seem to have moved on free of such burdens, she can't bear to associate with the sister of the girl she accidentally killed but she desperately holds on to Nick as a last grasp at control. In that respect, Wendy is the most sympathetic of the lot. See how the justification comes in handy? 

While it is human nature for fans to root for the death of the bitchy and the cruel, I wanted Wendy to live. I wanted her to make nice with Kim, apologize for Robin even if she didn't reveal the truth. I felt like Wendy had it in her, she simply couldn't be vulnerable without feeling weak. I mean, what the hell was she supposed to learn about herself being brought up by that nosy Grandma?

Unfortunately, we all knew Wendy was doomed. It was expected. Always will be. What wasn't counted on, however, was that she would be given the film's best scene. The grand stalk and slash reserved for our heroines belonged to the bad girl. Considering the killer, it couldn't be Kim's but why wasn't it given to logical runner-ups, nice Kelly or funny Jude? Because even then, everyone knew Wendy was teh awsum! It's obviously why Jamie Lee got her Saturday Night Fever moment. Bad enough her onscreen rival was actually beautiful and talented but she loses out on one of the greatest chases scenes in slasherdom and has to flounce around in Good Girl pink while Wendy creates weird feelings in gay men with the hottest disco dress in the history of disco dresses that are hot?

Boy, that chase. The chase through America's largest high school. It's substantial and filled with tension. Wendy is confused, frightened and by it's end, exhausted. She even manages to get a good wallop in with a push broom. One of my very favorite elements to it all: She runs in heels. Why doesn't she take them off, as I am sure many viewers have barked at the screen? Why? Because she doesn't have to, bitches. Wendy isn't flailing aimlessly or jogging in quicksand like so many of her sneakered horror compatriots, no, girl is hoofin' it. Yeah, okay, she trips in the gymnasium but it was dark and where the hell did that wrestling mat come from?

I'd still love a Prom Night remake – since there hasn't been one... I SAID THERE HASN'T! - where all the little kinks have been ironed out, a few characters added and perhaps even switch up the killer and/or his motivation but the one non-negotiable is that Wendy still very much be Wendy. Bitchy, beautiful and full of attitude but with a glint of humanity that gives you pause before condemning her to a grisly fate and makes you very happy she was given the film's best moment. That and the dress. Fuckin-A she's still gotta wear that dress. 

Posting more. Oh, it's gonna happen.

Okay. Okay. I get it. You feel abandoned. Despite my being the 23,478^th best blog you've read, you took the time and you gave me a shot and how did I repay your kindness? I ran. I'm not excusing my behavior but to be fair, indications of my instability were made pretty clear early on, soooo... I'm excusing my behavior.

I'm not going to try and make it up to you because that would be an insult to us both. How? I've no idea. I just felt that was a good way to end the sentence while giving me a nice out. However, what I am going to do is keep on keepin' on! I'm going to blog. It may not be often, it may not last long, and it may not be good, but it will be done. Even if I'm the only one here, this blog will still make a sound! I owe you that much.

With that, I can think of no better way to kick things off than by resuming reiteration on how this isn't a horror blog with a months worth of horror content! I'm still a bit down on myself that I let last October go without any acknowledgment of my favorite month and letting another pass would be, just, ya know, worse. I may post the sporadic film review but knowing I can't commit to a movie a day – See? Acknowledgment. Personal growth already! - I didn't want to make that attempt. Besides, plenty of folks better than I will be taking care of that.

I am going celebrate the great characters of horror. Rather, my favorite characters. More specifically, The Most Fantabulous Femmes of Fright. I tried to branch out, I really did. The list was going to incorporate all characters of every horror medium but when I realized that by #25 it was entirely made up of final girls and sassy but doomed besties I knew I had to stop trying. Women of Fiction, my soul they own.

Some posses a universally recognized level of awesome while others may only be liked by me and those who might like something just because it has a vagina, but all have struck that chord in my feeling place. Eww, not that one! Gay, duh. There is no specific order. This isn't a countdown. Partially because there would be two twelve-way ties, partially because I watched Prom Night again the other night, thus reigniting my obsession with Wendy and good lawd, I gotta write about that bitch quick!

… Starting tomorrow. What? I'm really tiiiired.

Final Girl Five

What?! I can't believe my last two years worth of posts were somehow mysteriously deleted, never to be recovered by any means. GAH! All that hard work and dedication and man, they were sooo gooood. I'm sorry, everyone... Ah well, onward and upward.*

THE FINAL GIRL ELITE

Finally got around to Laurie and decided to grime the rest of 'em up some. Click on over to my DA gallery for the bigguns.

*That's my story and I'm sticking to it.